First off, if I come across as stupid, well, I'm multitasking right now and I suck at it. If I come off as intelligent, well, I seem that way online usually, so it's normal. I however am not this well spoken in real life. In an actual conversation, or in plain old life as a whole, I don't have as much time to think about what I say.

Well, this is my first entry. Maybe my last as well. I'm really just doing this... because of boredom? Probably. And yet I'm doing so much. I'd say that's unusual. I have quite a few things I want to do, but I'm doing them in a far different perspective then usual.

This happens occasionally, but at the moment, while I'm still seeing things through my own eyes, I'm thinking of them in third person. It's quite relaxing actually. It might be improving my self-esteem as well, since I'm noticing I'm not severely fucking anything up.

Well, anyway, earlier I was searching through bands and listening to music when I cam across Dream Theatre. While I don't like all of their songs, some seem strangely calming and I also feel as though I can either relate, or imagine how the person in the song feels. Or rather, the person who the they're singing about, since Dream Theatre seems to never sing from the perspective of someone involved, which is quite refreshing.

Foremost among these songs is Solitary Shell. At the beginning of the song, the music seems so upbeat, and yet the song leaves me feeling slightly sad. The same way My Selene made me feel when I first discovered Sonata Arctica.

This is probably because I feel as if the situation is similar to my own. With My Selene, the song felt far more like a reflection of what I'd been doing. Simply daydreaming about being with someone. With Solitary Shell, I know this is how people have described me on occasion, which I find fitting with the fact the song isn't from the perspective of the boy.

Considering all this is leading my thoughts. To where you may ask, if you even bothered reading this far into my ramblings? To the feeling of the world revolving around yourself. While I cannot speak for others, I at least, occasionally think of life as if everything is acting according to what I do.

I suppose I've learned this isn't healthy, as, for me at least, it leads to depression, but my thoughts still drift there from time to time. I mean, if there is anything in your life you wish was different, and everything is reacting to you, how can you not? If that was the case, certainly there were actions that you could've taken to change whatever misfortune's have befallen you.

Or worse, those who have befallen those who garner your love and respect. The depression I spoke of stems from this. Guilt. A lost loved one, a miserable friend, a dissatisfied parent. If everything truly reacts to you, these would be your fault. Your actions being the sole cause for the unhappiness of others.

However, these thoughts are ludicrous. I always seem to drift back to them, though the same could be said of death, games, and those same loved ones.